Yesterday

Yesterday is technically today but frankly I'm already ready for today to be over. It's been exhausting, traumatic, and frankly painful. All the points bleed together so I've had to just do a little ditty on each today. Enjoy.

My Knee: Oh knee, I love you, I really do. Today I know I pushed too hard and you pushed back. I just hate the cane, but I promise to use it from now on. Not to mention ice and do my exercises to make you stronger. At work my knee was hurting. I haven't been eating as much since I haven't been burning as many calories (since I can't move around as much as I did) so when I popped a pain pill on an almost empty stomach by accident and didn't remember until an hour later when the pills were in affect... it was scary.

My Not So Happy Experience: Cut to an hour later and (thank God) I ran to my purse and ate a granola bar to help me for the last hour of work. Fun fact: I work in retail. Let's just say that before I took the pill I was a bit short tempered. After? I couldn't think straight. I summoned all my strength to drive the 10 minutes home safely. Minus the break-down of tears. My stomach hurt, my body didn't feel like it was its own, it hurt so bad to cry that I stopped after 10 seconds. My hands were shaking when I got home. It was one of those "I want my mommy" moments. Finally I reached a friend of mine and he talked me down. Thank God.

Josiah: Oh look! I've fake named him! I've been talking about him so bloody much I figured he'd best get a name to avoid confusion, because this post has multiple exes. Hooray. Oh yes. He was on my list of calls. I was desperate. Even in my desperation I knew I shouldn't have called... but I did anyway. I can't even wrap my head around what I'm doing with him anymore. Oh yeah, and I offered to carpool to the local BDSM club later this month. And he accepted. WTF.

The BDSM Club: I recently found a local BDSM club because as much as I love the online community, the bloggers... I need people I can shake hands with, relate to in person, etc. Other than Josiah. So what did I do when I was in the area on Tuesday? I went there. To make sure it was real. And what did I find? The front entrance is for a completely different company, so let's just say if I were a younger me, I would have been really, really, really embarrassed. But I'm not and I wasn't, so instead the entire trip was exciting, fun, and educational. I can't wait for orientation... I'm an idiot and invited my ex. Curse you being nice and wanting to share my excitement with the only person I know who is kinky like me!

Julius: So, meanwhile, I was in pain and the effects of the pain meds/ panic attack were wearing down, but I still was not of sound mind my ex from 3 years ago decides to call me. Again. For the second time in a week. After some investigative work, I very politely told him off stating, "you are not bad or wrong for feeling the way you are feeling. At some point you are going to have to learn to be happy with your choices in the present, the gift that is you, right now. I don't think it's fair to you or your fiance to be striving for an idea of someone because I am not the same person." I hope the poor kid is alright.

So! That was my day. That was a hazy brain dump, and I'm sorry if it didn't seem well drafted because I sure as heck don't think it was. And I don't care. It's out of my brain.

To better times ahead.

Fin.