Fantasies

As I'm shoved further to confront the realities of my life, I have noticed that to counterbalance that which I am afraid to face my imagination, my need for escapism and creativity has been bumped up a notch.

I've been slowly writing something (pretty much one sentence at a time when I am fully lucid and not under the influence of pain pills) that I will eventually post. It is -- as are they all -- a simple scenario, triggered by a touch, a word, an image that blossoms majestically into a fantasy.

A fantasy where I am a lover.

A fantasy where I am a wife.

A fantasy where I am a mother.

A fantasy where I am acting and doing as I should, a strength, a pillar, an example to others.

Lately my fantasies have been not unlike this photo here. For me to be a woman on fine sheets, dressed nicely, cared for, adored. Add a little spanking, some hot wax... oh, I am a happy happy gal. I find it delicious and funny that 99% of my fantasies are attainable, so easy if I set my mind to it. And so, it doesn't surprise me that in my life now they meld together. I use the fantasies to escape and the fantasies remind me what I am working towards: Health. Balance. Joy.

And eventually to create a family with a man, my husband. Whom I can share that health, balance and joy with. You know, and have frequent mind-blowing sex with. With all the extras that BDSM has to offer.

Because that's just how I roll.