Today... today is seriously just one of those days. I so badly want to share about my first play party I went to on Saturday. About all that I saw, the excitement I felt with so many new sensations, the people I met. I want to share how I was bound and what with, the discussions I had... but I have no energy left.
I've been living with constant pain on and off for the last week and a half. It is taking its toll. I applaude and am awed by those individuals who live with pain on a daily basis and are still vibrant and productive. Because my body no longer is my own anymore. My mind is still here, still present(ish) but whoooo man between the vicoprofen and the pain I have no control what so ever.
Not because I'm depressed, or feel sad -- in fact, my appointment with the orthopedist this afternoon gives me great strength and confidence that this whole knee shenanigans will be dealt with once and for all. No, no. I've surrendered to the fact that as a way of coping with everything my body has been going through my nerves are at their last straw and crying like a hormonal pregnant woman is apparently the result (that or laugh-cry because my body doesn't know how the fuck to process it).
Today I have cried from:
- The WORD "cry", "pain", "joy", and "knee"
- Laughing at a joke
- Being told I am beautiful
- Brushing my teeth
- Eating breakfast
- Seeing a bird outside my window
- It being 12:00
- Frustration over stupid DMV stuff
- Writing this post
I'm taking a god damned nap. Because I'm worth it.
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