Shock

I'm pretty sure the state that I'm in is best described as angry as fuck shock. Hollow, numb panic too. I assume responsibility for some of the things that have occurred but I'm pretty sure that I am dealing with WAY MORE than what any 26 year old should be dealing with all at once. It's not all bad and, trust me, I'm surprised at how well I've been holding it all together. And after I had my cry/ies (oh, and called the church's prayer line like four times this morning -- not including my own mantras and prayers I've been doing) I can already numbly accept how this is can better me. How I've learned to set limits and priorities that are in line with my core beliefs and in harmony with how I want my life to be.

No one can say I'm not a quick study.

There's a saying in my spiritual community that basically says that if you're praying / living in accordance with/for something and pretty much the exact opposite happens or you are confronted with a great deal of unpleasantries... Well, that just means that you're letting go of the fear/ block to receive the thing your soul most wants. And you know, keep the faith and don't lose momentum. Miracles happen and all that.

Here's to miracles and faith, my friends.