Over the past two months I really felt like I've been taking these big piles of SHIT (self-growth springboards!) in stride. I haven't freaked out (or if I have they've been short lived), I've been good. Really good. Amazing and wonderful and this past week it felt like everything was going to come together with my head held high, a better person: confident, self-assured, witty, fun, beautiful -- balanced.
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| I was basically LIVING that. |
Tonight I got one big sucker punch to the gut that I didn't see coming. I mean, I get the why of it. I can see the bigger picture but God DAMNIT I'm tired. I'm tired of being that girl. That cliched mid-20s girl who doesn't have her shit together with no money. I'm tired of of the chaos I've built and I thought I was making it better. I thought... I KNOW I am. I know I am. I have to believe I am or else I risk falling really far back down.
In my deepest heart I look at my troubles and think, "this is not my life. This is not how it's supposed to be." That spurs me on, I guess. Because I know my potential, I know how amazing I can be... how much more amazing I can be. How if I can get my shit together, then I'll be able to help others that much more, I'll have more to give. I'll....
I know now and days everyone is like, "being weird is cool! Being weird makes you unique!" Well, I'm here to say I've got enough unique to last me a lifetime. I just want to be normal. I want to lead a normal, peaceful life. I WANT MY LIFE TO BE RIGHT.
Yeah, I think I got most of it out.
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Tune in next week when SG talks fall and obsession with pumpkin spice lattes!
Yeah...I was about your age when that "Damn it, I am cliched mid-20s girl who doesn't have her shit together with no money " feeling crept over me and I decided to literally get my shit together. I got out of the dead end bookstore management job I held for YEARS, and switched professions, completely- just to do something entirely different. I met a whole new circle of people, learned new things, new ideas new ways of seeing the world. It was shitty and difficult and definitely a turning point in my life. *hug* Good luck, hon. The next few months aren't going to be fun if you decide to get your shit together, but once you do - it's great. :-)
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm in the thick of the turnover now, and I do have moments like this. Thankfully they are beginning to be brief and I can move forward as I have been. It is trying and beautiful and satisfying to see what I can accomplish. Your story means a lot and I am extremely grateful to hear it, it gives me so much encouragement that I am on the right path. Thank you.
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