There's a reason I haven't really been writing submissive posts. One, I'm single and have a limited pool of experience. Two, the experience I do have, while fun, a great introduction, and exciting at the time, now appears paltry and lame; childlike, if you will. Three, I am almost unrecognizable emotionally from who I was even a few months ago.
Four? (this is the big one) I am 100% selfish, committed 100% to myself and my responsibilities. I still might be on temporary disability, but I am working my ass off. I became a big-girl landlord and had to evict my last tenant and deal with the blowback of emotional friends of the tenant, and almost an entire household worth of items abandoned in my condo with no possibility of reclaiming from tenant or parents (who bought 95% of what was left). Add to that my commitment to self-improvement, balance, and health... I'm one busy girl. And frankly, I'm not done yet. I'm not done finding who I am, I'm still learning to know with certainty that I am living a life in line with my values, my truths.
So yeah, I have NO CLUE what type of submissive I would be towards someone right now. I can't even think it. Because I have no fucking clue the whole picture of who I am right now. I know a humans we are never really done finding ourselves or enjoying new passions or finding what works for us. But I feel compelled to find at least a base point.
I feel like to be the girlfriend or wife I want to be (caring, strong, daring, compassionate, intuitive of my Master's needs, etc) I have to know my own basic limitations, feeling strong and bold enough to not take certain types of shit (read: drama). Also, I feel like I should be able to do certain physical things, of which are pretty shitily limiting (but getting there!).
The good news? Oh the good news is I feel alive, I feel brave and free and safe and I know I'm pretty fucking sexy for it. I notice men looking at me again. I am aware of my body in a new way, I am aware of my accessibility, my ease of conversation, of flirtation, even. So God bless the man who can claim my hot piece of flesh and mind.
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First, you sound like a woman on fire, go get it, girl ;) Second, it doesn't matter if you aren't sure of what you want or who are are precisely -- when the right Dom/Master/Daddy/Etc comes along, you'll know exactly what kind of sub you are ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh Mala, you are so kind to say so! Yes, I most certainly think that the man to take me will certainly guide me into my true submission. At this point it's all just ideas and "ooo I want that and that and that!" :P
DeleteI'm happy you visited my blog today, Subgirl. I honestly wasn't sure if there was another sub out there like me who is religious. They seem to be quite diametrically opposed lifestyles, and most who are submissive are not religious. I'll be linking to you, so I can come back often and read your new posts ( you don't have a follow feature ).
ReplyDeleteI hope your next Dom who will take your hand and bring you into the next phase of your submission is just around the corner.
Thanks!
Awww thanks Mickey! I pretty much was laughing nonstop while reading your back posts today. Thanks for the link! :D
DeleteAs far as religion and D/s goes, I feel like anything else what might seem as an opposite is really quite similar. I'd elaborate, but I've had a few sips of wine so that'll be for another day.