Jealousy & Other Funny Emotions

I know I recently posted something similar to my thoughts today, but it bears mentioning again. Why? Because I am a complex woman who likes to make things more than they really are.

I often try to soothe the hardships of being a submissive single by coming to terms with it. By reconciling the fact that I have time to figure out what type of submissive I want to be, shaping the type of relationship I want, what I am willing to do or not. The problem? I'm more of a learn while I go sort of girl. I'm overly curious of the mechanics of psychology, senses, and what evokes particular emotions from not only myself but others that I surround myself with.

I knew in theory that because I liked a man (prior to discovering my sub nature) to press his body to mine, trapping me, forcing me to be his property -- I know, I know, how I didn't discover BDSM sooner, I don't know. Anyway, because I knew I had a long history of enjoying being "forced" upon, limited in movement, I knew I would like bondage. It was not until I felt the exquisite nature of soft rope around my torso, or the cool metal of spreader bars on my ankles that I could appreciate the true sensation. That thrill of seeing my playmate's eyes dance with pride at his beautiful work and by extension, me.

So when I read the majority of Dominant or submissive blogs out there -- mostly who are in committed relationships, a small part of me is envious. Happy and excited that they experience things as they do, giving me ideas and awakening me to something I hadn't even considered myself inclined to want (this happens a lot), but nonetheless jealous that they get to experience it and I do not at present.

Intellectually I know how silly this is, and as time goes on I lament how inexperienced I am, yet equally know how lucky I am to have found my place sexually. It is apparent, very apparent, that while I attempt to consciously and unconsciously suppress my sexuality I cannot deny who I am. I am, with no hope of going back, a submissive-slave female. And I need a Master.

With this in the forefront of my brain increasingly as the months go on, I wonder should I seek to be trained? Is it even possible to go against myself and have a purely physical D/s relationship with no emotional consequences?

While I don't think this is a possibility, I wonder what other ways can I satiate this need inside of me?