The Single Mindset

Yesterday I may have posted in a state of weakness and I am taking a hard look at everything that brought me to that (this) point. Upon my reflection, however, I cast a little light on my submissive side. A.K.A the side I have been trying to ignore.

D/s is very much a partnership for me. The ultimate partnership, if you will. The symbiotic balance of yin and yang. Obviously there are all colors on this beautiful BDSM spectrum but I speak from my proclivities/ experience --  a monogamous dominant man/ submissive woman viewpoint. It made me feel... right. Like something had been missing my entire life and suddenly POOF! There it is!

Becoming single changed that.

Putting aside my insecurity issues / displaced feeling in the world (although I know this is a factor), being a single submissive is a feeling unlike I have ever experienced. It is a feeling of security -- knowing yourself in new ways with each new discovery -- and then, slight disparagement as there is no physical sounding board to bounce and revel in ideas. There is no second person to create scenes with or find that space where adrenaline, fear, excitement, and tenderness colide. It is the structure I crave most blended with the joy of another's mutual affection.

In my experience there is a significant difference between being "vanilla single" and "submissive single". Vanilla single I could enjoy myself and let men come to me. It was easy because I knew I wasn't missing much (sad, I know). Single submissiveness brings about ... finess. It adds that feeling of "I know what I am missing" and "I don't have immediate gratification." There is frustration, fear (the not fun kind), and sadness, at times. And then there comes... patience.

Single submissiveness takes a great deal of patience. It takes a certain type of faith that the dating pool did not become smaller, but has been opened up even wider.