There is much to recommend me to this lifestyle, one I have spent many months actively away from. As such, I feel the passion for it fade as I try to ignore that part of myself. I have had mild success, which only brings about a melancholy when I remember the fun I had. I have yet to find the perfect balance of acceptance and faith. On one hand I understand that I am most important and to dream of a partner at this stage would be utterly ridiculous, but the heart wants what the heart wants and so the hope remains.
Which, among other self-realizations, brought me to the awareness of yet another reason why I love the Dominant/ submissive, Master/ slave relationship: the act of delayed gratification.
I have long admired Doms who sew, bind, manipulate long scenes. I can understand now the self discipline it must take to achieve an end goal. Whether it is anal or suspension or blood play, they must take the same amount of pleasure that a sub may or may not feel about the end goal, but the Dom must assume the role of authority and take pleasure in the most minute of steps forward. I must admit that the slow pace that is set more than a little turns me on.
Mostly because at this time I possess little of the discipline I need to achieve any ounce of delayed gratification. And I strive to emulate as least some portion of the attitude described above in my own life. I seek to change this, of course, and once dispensing of most of my self criticisms (a.k.a self sabotage) I have had a toddler's amount of success. Which is to say, I try to giggle when I fall and try to walk again.
And now I must be an old biddy and rest my knee as I knit.
Sorry to hear that you re injured yourself dear. Hope you recover quickly. Hmm Delayed gratification. For me the intensity of orgasms are directly proportional to the amount of delayed gratification!!
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Oh, I think that is what makes delayed gratification most sexually fun! Thank you -- the swelling of the knee has already gone down a bit.
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