When the feeling of being single leaves me equal parts hopeful, equal parts empty.
It is that moment upon waking I feel so divinely connected to the phantasm of my partner that I plumet at realization. That I still feel buoyed by hope when impact should leave me crushed. Those fleeting seconds where I still feel the whisper of his touch upon my cheek and a faint tickle of his hair at my ear. Wherein I feel as if this is the dream and that beautiful, intimate moment was reality.
It is still too fresh, too raw for me to make clear sense of it but I will say that after my tears -- even as my tears fell -- I bowed my head in gratitude. I thanked God for the renewed spark.
I have always felt him there, whoever my mysterious partner may be, connected to me by an invisible string; Just floating out there in the aether, biding time or whatever one's soul does awaiting the precise meeting moment. Each passing year, intermittently, I've felt him closer. Last year it was if I could just feel him beyond my reach.
After tonight, waking from my dream I feel him as a second heartbeat. There is no longer a string to connect us, there is simply no need. I feel as if the final piece has fallen into place, as if the is no need for wondering or searching or even cultivating what I want, there simply is. It is the surest I've ever felt, as automatic as breathing or blinking.
I have been given the gift of peace.
And I want it made certain I remember that.
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