Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I'm Pretty Sure Something's Not Right Around Here

Technically I do not turn another year older until 5:08am, but come midnight I wrote this disturbing entry:

I once believed Love existed, then I realized Love is cruel and callous. Love exists only if you love yourself, only if you have the capability for hope and bravery. The absence of Love is here, in my shallow heart. It is where coldness resides and a lump forms with each stroke of pen. The absence of Love grows within me for there is nothing and no one to Love. To cherish and appreciate. I am a ghost among men, among the mortals who feel and cherish the fragility and beauty of life. I, who bloom from the bowels of cynicism and distrust, laugh at your foolishness. I accept my loneliness, my disgust of fate and the cruelty of nothingness. I concede to oblivion. 


Clearly something is wrong; between sinking to a new low in my food neurosis, an increasing distrust of others, an even harsher criticism of myself, and a sense of superb instability (despite it looking like I've got my shit together)... I am officially in I'm freaking my fucking self out territory. Doesn't that sound fun? Not.

7 comments:

  1. I had a rather sucky birthday myself earlier in the month, so I can relate.

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    1. Yeeshk. I'm sorry Tiklish! Hugs to you (and happy belated birthday, I'm so grateful you were born!)

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    2. And here I thought only my mother was glad I exist !:)

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  2. Happy Birthday to you, too! I actually had that in the first comment, but it got lost, and when I rewrote it I forgot to put it in. Doh!

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  3. Happy birthday! (a day late)
    I am one who dislikes when my bday is coming, im usually sick..
    born 3 days after Christmas so I was never noticed and would get my gifts all at the same time :-/ never knew which ones were for my bday or from santa...complaint how i also had the same amount of gifts as every one else...

    I never look forward to a bday
    ((Hugs))

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    1. Yeah I can't imagine what it must be like on those type of holidays... every year. My heart goes out to you! And thank you for the birthday wishes!!

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