Tomorrow

It is late as I transcribe this and all I can think is, it is not tomorrow, it is not tomorrow.

I'm not in difficult pain, but the pain that aches like a contracting burner that lights up my left leg in teeth-grinding discomfort. I hate it. I hate that I've wasted so much time. I am happy that I wrote, though. A small consolation but a consolation none the less. You would think that I might have some inkling of how to move forward as the pressure releases within me. Yes, as the calming introspection wafts over my consciousness I can feel the thoughts, hope, and solutions coming.

But I am afraid.

Still I wish to shut it out, but I cannot. It is a geyser -- this progress in myself. It cannot be stopped. For I know I have purpose. I know I will not fail. I will overcome my need for absolute control -- my distrust of others. Oh yes, that is exactly where my neurosis blossoms from. The apex of my fears, down to the structure of my life for so long is being demolished, rotting away like the filth that it is; a dangerous cancer slowly devouring its own disease. It has consumed its host, it no longer can breed as it once did. For I am an amoeba of the Universe, forever splitting and crashing back into the light that birthed my brilliant soul.