I've hit a bit of a lull in my life this week. Lots of sleeping, not reading, generally dropping most of the daily cleaning habits I've developed. Two things have really been building, weighing pretty heavily on my mind: dating and money.
By this point I should be pretty grateful how the Universe deals out my cards. Cerebrally I know no matter how bum-tastic the state of affairs feels right now, I have the tools to be my bad-ass self and pull my shit together. My feelings-- those sticky, icky bits-- are throwing a mega pity-party for themselves. Questions of adequacy and worthiness pop up all the time that give me pause in my decisions... hence the lull and temporary ineptitude to things other than work. I worry I don't have "enough" money. I worry that because of my severe muscle atrophy in my leg that I won't attract an active, dominant man... when that's the type of guy I ultimately want to be with. I worry that I'm not sexy or beautiful enough. I worry that I'll attract the wrong man just because I'm starting to get a wee lonely. So I've told myself the story of avoidance.
So how do I resolve these feelings of inadequacy and worthiness? I don't know, that's why I'm writing about it. The best thing to do (and what I've been eking out) is to go ahead despite my fears. Lemme just tell you, battle paint stains.
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