It's the Little Things

Upon speaking with a girlfriend earlier today, in addition to visiting the The Valley where there is a relative case of scrumptious men available to ogle, I may have been a bit harsh in thinking I'm not open to a relationship. While it is no longer a goal of mine to find a partner, I must admit I like sex with men. And as a veritable parade of male hipsters, aspiring actors, and other yummy LA folk were spotted on the streets, I began to recognize a trend of what got my pulse to quicken. The following are simple things whether from a distance or in the throws of mutual enticement that get me instantly aroused.


1. Height: If I see a man who is 6'2 or over, my cunt immediately tightens and I will be suppressing the urge to pant. Straining my neck to look up never gets old in my book and will always make my mouth water. At 5'5, having those long arms curl around me with his head resting on top of mine is like an adrenaline shot to me feeling safe, not to mention giving him head as he looms over me.

2. Smell/ Taste: A good smelling man is imperative to me. Having a hyper sensitive olfactory system has led to many a insta-wet panties. Great smelling soaps, colognes, or deodorants are all perks but when I get close enough lick a delicious smelling man's flesh my tongue explodes in flavor. Depending on the man's diet, they may taste more spicy, tangy, salty, or sweet and ohhh is it a grand feast.

3. A Man With a Genuine Plan: Confidence is always great but when I meet a Dom who's brain works faster than mine -- and will keep me just enough in the loop  (even if I'm just observing) -- I go weak at the knees.

4. Playing with My Neck: I'm not sure why but my neck is almost as sensitive as (if not more than) "intimate" parts of my body. Kiss it, lick it, bite it, put your hands on it, doesn't matter what you do I squirm as if on the edge of orgasm. In fact, I've come hard from a man kissing my neck in an expertly fashion.

5. Encouraging, Specifically in Fitness: This one is a bit of a utopian wild-card for me. Because running and races are so dear to me, even if the man isn't necessarily inclined to run, I get turned on when I see men cheering on or hugging their wives/ girlfriends at the finish line. Honestly, my brain immediately jumps to being tired and invigorated after a race, only to be forced to fuck in the car. Mmm.

Thoughts on Logic and Legacies

Alliterations, gotta love 'em.

Life can be unexpected and grand and beautiful. Life can dole out some hard truths that challenge what people know about themselves and the world they choose to live in. A few years ago a boss joked that I thrived most at the center of chaos. He was referencing my management style and how I was happiest and most productive when I was challenged -- basically if all hell broke loose, I would have a grin and a solution. One thing that is at the core of my life's tone is that change in the only constant and I strive to embrace it. Why? Because it challenges my Taurus stubbornness of comfort and same-ness. Going back to college has ignited that drive to be more than I am now, has provided me with puzzles and challenges just waiting to be solved. Being consumed with academia has also had its down-sides, however.

The most significant down-side is the fact that my average of reading 4 books a week has been cut in half and the dread of mortality has been seeping in. This fear that I will not be able to read all the books I want to before I die... I laugh at it, but damn is it depressing. The idea that I have no control over this has added to the trajectory of minimization of "excess baggage" I have been on. Mostly meaning: if I can't take care of it, I'm not going to bother worrying about it -- this includes troubles from my past.

The result has had a decidedly cerebral effect.

Romance, children, motherhood, partnership (all things I've desired to have/ experience) seem... seem... BLANK. I don't long to have children the way I used to and in recent babysitting gigs I have left thanking God I don't have kids right now. I recognize the shift in priorities, how time consuming everything is, but when I ask myself, "do I want companionship? Do I desire love, even in the future?" The reply is ehhhh, maybe? The answer stems from the fact that I am satisfied with my life.

I love myself, I love my friends, I finally have a great relationship with my family. Through rigorous physical therapy my knee is healing and I feel confident I will run in the coming months. My brain is lulled and happy with activity and challenges. I am spiritually minded and feel confident in my goals and growth. Life feels natural, free, and balanced. In short, beyond finances, I am living from the overflow.

I'm curious as to your take on this. Have you ever gone through this? Are you perfectly happy being single?